I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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