Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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