You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
