in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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