a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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