Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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