I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
