We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
