You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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