So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
