I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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