College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
