Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
