So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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