??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
