No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
