I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
