We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
