dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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