No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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