just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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