just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
