So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
