I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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