dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
