mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
