Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We're too hungover to prance.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
