dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
