I accidentally had phone sex last night
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
