FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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