I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
