I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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