yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
this just has baby written all over it
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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