Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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