This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
