Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
