it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
