I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize