my mouth tastes like poor choices
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
