So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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