Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I smell stomach acid.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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