whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
