Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
