can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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