Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
