I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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