Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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