that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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