quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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