he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
