eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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