Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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