Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
