There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
