the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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