is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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