I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
