I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
