I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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