Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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