so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
