There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
