I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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