and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize