It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Princesses don't give blow jobs
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
