got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
