Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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