do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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