you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
