Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
