My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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