Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
