That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
